Friday 13th

you know what its never going to change things are just getting worse and worse.....Its been like this since J was born 5 years of things never being smooth, never going right, I get back on my feet something else comes along....Even the surestart worker says she would have given up by now...and now this whole benefit fraud thing because I was so so low and rundown and just plain damm forgot about the two accounts I no longer used and then plain forgot to tell them about my compensation and child maintence because of all the court case going on at the time...but they arent going to see it like that even though I damm well said id pay any overpayment back, well CMHT and surestart and HV say they will deal with it anyway or at lest help me...but I cant I just cant I just wanna run and run and never stop, give the kids to dad where theyd be better off and just run away. change my name start again...But I cant in my heart of hearts I know that..Im trapped in this horrible horrible life of mine and theres no way out....I cant even just go and jump of a cliff because the kids need me...so this is it, this horrible low exsistance listening to two types of my own thoughts (ie one positive and then the negative one shouting arguing with the positive whisper then the negative shouting back and the positive whipsering something back ? me too! and its my head!) is IT for the rest of my life...finding even a smile hard laugh impossible, to never see the hope and fun in stuff And you know what that sucks big time really really sucks, and theres sweet F.A I can do to make it better...