Im on Seaford beach listening to the waves. In theroy I should be feeling positive, yesterday I put my pine ottaman up and sorted the DVD's out so my haven of a rooms coming along nicely. Today dad put the curtain rail up and I have bright yellow curtains up. I went swimming and managed 45mins and washed my hair....Yet I feel empty, panicky and anxious like my whole worlds going to collapse under me again.
Why ffs why? Why am I feeling like this, jesus I scratched my arm yesterday and god it felt good.
I dont think I can go on like this, I feel like im going to implode in some way and NOTHING i do can shake that feeling.
J wants to come home from mums tonight, Im dreading it. Hes my son yet ive become such a monster I dread him coming home because I cant cope.
What if I never get better?
Doctors tommorow must hold on until then
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My crazy mad world dealing with ghosts from the past, demons from the present, lows selfesteem and depression xxxx
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