Monday 6th May

12:40am

Well techinally its Tuesday but ive never been one for technicalities have i?

Im tired to the core, yes I can feel the Citalpram (anti-d!) kicking in, yes this online Cognitive Behaviour Therapys starting to change my view of things yet I still dread waking up in the morning to life and im still dreading work (even though im signed off for two weeks!)

Its now been six days since I made that dreadful sacrifice, 1 life for the sake of 5 (well possibly 9) sudden insight its not good sitting next to the open window of a second floor flat. Oh well its comfy(ish!) and gives me a reality check that there are people and an existance out there outside my own bubble. I gave up my baby (yes I know I was sick etc and I know I whinged like hell about everything!) so that lives that are important to me my sons (j) and my daughters (C) and even my mum and little brother and even the ex and his three kids could have a fighting chance at "normality" in this bloody hard thing called life.

Ive got netmums.com and I am making a difference in there helping people which in turn helps me...

Its now 12:50 on Tuesday morning and I need sleep, disturbed as it is! well after the tumble dryers loaded nursery and school runs tommorow.

Stay Strong