I know an amazing women called Lucy whose going to help me again...she texted me today as one of the young mums I still talk to told her they were worried, ive been offered Tuesday group again and friday young mums. Tuesday group yes as its 6 and closed, Friday no way, tried this week and had a panic attack!
My dad and the fostering, John and the baby..I dont want to dwell on my failures yet I know ive got to. Maybe im just destined to be alone when it comes to relationships, maybe its my subcincous ruining them?
Or maybe just maybe its my complete lack of self-esteem, hopefully the CMHT can deal with that. I want so much to be normal,is that so much to ask?
Im tired again, I cant face the world. Im sitting in an indoor play area listening to the other mums chatter and I swear im the only single parent among them...that im the only one who hasnt got someone to go home to. All Ive got is a huge amount of cyber friends on netmums.com
Oh ffs why am I feeling like this AGAIN-too much junk food I guess yet I crave it, what a nasty cycle when what you crave makes you worse!
Think I mighth try somemore of that online CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) tonight, Josh came home and slept last night so im feeling slightly better. Guess its a plus he came home and stayed even if I did feed him Mcdonlads....
At night when im trying to sleep (well not so much trying as these new tabs zonk me out in hlaf hr flat!) I keep hearing voices and faint music, I can never catch what they are saying as it sounds like a faint radio not tuned in properly. I feel its important yet if I tell someone theyll think im mad!
3:15pm just had another anxiety attack, couldnt breathe no matter how deep I inhaled.
Christ im tired, managed to cook dinner tonight, J's gone round mums probably for the best as im tetchy and shouting at the kids...
No plans for tommorow either....
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