Wednesday 7th May

12:45pm so techinally Thursday

Just cashed up all my odd change, £43 means I should be able to take my brother swimming, should be fun.

Had a good day out with the mothership, started off with breaky @ Sainsbury's ended up at Tesco's Eastbourne. Only one bad bit, she had a dig @ dad...I just thought im back in contact with him women-ACCEPT IT!

*sighs* dont you just wish you could click your fingers and make it all beter sometimes.

Thing is im just so tired of being me, Crazy as that sounds. I dont want to be like I am. I wonder if I tell Dr F all that I thinks wrong with me she can get me some help? Thing is how do you tell someone your borderline crazy?

Do I have that much courage and resolve?

Do I really want to deal with this once and for all or carry on pretending things are ok when 90% of the time they arent.

Or do I take the easy option and give up? Appealing idea as that is my babies need me to get better once and for all. Its not as if im alone, I have mum, dad, and step mum (but then dad and Jq [step mum] are busy with the fostering and all responsbility that entails even if i do think the foster kid gets precedent over me with dad a lot!)

So much more to write but my wrist hurts note internet blog is taken from written diary as when i feel like writing I often dont have net acsess