Monday 19th May

Took J to school...All good ironed uniform polished shoes.
Sorted out C...took car to get fixed -£132 but thats cheap...Busted my knee on mums path thats bummed swimming up but as I have Tuesday group and this well women thingy ma bob at Summer hayes dont think ill be doing that soon anyway

I dont know what ive done today thats worth blogging actually. Ok I slept this afternoon with Lou and felt bad for doing it and ive been a moody Bitch to the kids all afternoon (Josh would be better off at mums!) but thats hardly worth talking about is it???

I feel nothing, I dont feel that overwhelming desire to run away and kill myself..nor do I feel happy as larry..In fact I feel nothing. I bought a new blade today, Ive got a really bad feeling im gonna do something REALLY stoopid tonight! Just for the sake of feeling something....I hate feeling nothing...I crave normality, yet if feeling nothing is normal then I dont want it.

Im so not looking forward to tommorrow, If I have to tell Tuesday group all thats been going on ill scream..because I cant I just cant...How can you tell someone youve been to hell and back and know youll be going there again soon...

ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

x